16 Weeks

I honestly cannot say where the first trimester has gone! Time is moving so quickly and the past couple months are mostly a blur of nausea and exhaustion. Things are definitely getting better, but the nausea is not completely gone. I'm starting to prepare myself for the possibility that I may just be sick this entire pregnancy. With things the way they are now, I can live with that. The nausea comes and goes and is worse right before bed and when I haven't eaten, but its not constant like it was at 12 weeks and its definitely not as severe.

Monday was our 16 week checkup and we got to hear little bean's heartbeat again. We'll be scheduling the big ultrasound in the next couple weeks , which is very exciting. We declined all genetic testing, so this will be our first glimpse at whether things seem to be developing OK in there!

In other exciting news, I think I've been feeling the little one move the last couple days. I've been feeling it for a few weeks, but I just recently made the connection that the sore feeling in my pelvis that comes and goes and moves around is probably just our little jelly bean. Very exciting!

My belly is getting bigger and bigger and I'm gaining weight like crazy. I am now in maternity clothes all the time (I even needed new pajamas!). Up until a couple weeks ago, I could still fit into a few pairs of baggy pants, but now I think its just one pair of sweats I stole from the sweetie. Here are some belly pics so you can see for yourself.

Five Weeks

Ten Weeks

Sixteen Weeks

I think I might have a genuine baby bump any day. Part of me is anxious for that to happen, but the other part of me would love if the bean would hold off until after the wedding, so I can still fit into my dress. We'll see which side wins.

Happy new year everyone!

Merry Merry

I had a post written about drowning in christmas cookies with a picture to prove it (I left all my baking until the last minute this year and literally packed up the last batch of cookies to give away as the icing was still drying) but we left the camera at the boy's parent's last night. Entertaining picture or not, I'm wishing you all a happy winter holiday of your choice, surrounded by loving friends and family.

Gettin' Hitched

Invitations have been mailed!

(Please excuse the craptastic scan of our invite--its actually very pretty in person)

Other things which are done for the wedding:
Wedding/reception site is booked
Photographer is booked
Dress and undergarments have been purchased
Cake baker is chosen--just need to do one more tasting and pay the deposit
Hair/makeup appointment is made for the day of the wedding


Things which still need to be done:
Purchase my shoes (must be done before dress fitting the first week of Jan)
Purchase headpiece/hair pins (also must be done before consultation the first week of Jan)
Rent a suit/tux for the sweetie
Hire a florist and decide on table centerpieces (we have a quote from a place that is available on our date, but horrendously expensive--need to look around more after the holidays when florists have time to breath again)
Find an officiant (again, one quote from someone who is horrendously expensive--hoping to find someone more affordable)
Grow the amaryllis bulbs that I would like to use for decoration at the site
Reserve a hotel room for the wedding night


Yikes, it really seems like less stuff left to do when its in my head. The "things which are done" list is frighteningly short!

Coming to Terms

I've always had a certain look--you know, blond hair, mild features, conservative dress and a tendency to be painfully shy. It really gives off a kind of sweet and naive air. As a coworker once said about me, "we thought kraftykay was a sweet and innocent farm girl until we got to know her." For a very long time, I HATED this about myself. I tried so hard to fight against it. I cut my hair short, wore the requisite Doc Martens and got piercings and tattoos.

None of it worked. Try as I might, I still ended up looking like an innocent straight girl, just one who was trying to dress up as a lesbian. (Why do innocent and straight seem to go together? Hhhmm.) It used to really irk me that people couldn't look at me and right away identify me as a queer girl (OK, it still sometimes does). But for the most part, I've embraced the innocent girl image and actually started to have fun with it--after all, I may look sweet and innocent, but that doesn't mean I actually am.

So, when the sweetie and originally moved up our babymaking plans, the fact that the baby would come before the wedding was fine with me. We agreed that we would just have the wedding when our child was a year old--we're already a non-traditional couple, why have the traditional wedding? Well, it was a completely different story a couple weeks after we found out I was pregnant. It came as a surprise to me that suddenly it was very important that we be married before the baby came. Apparently looks aren't deceiving, maybe I really am traditional and innocent (I don't think I'm all that sweet, though).

Oh, and I want to wear a white (non maternity) dress. So we needed to get a move on. The sweetie and I share a birthday which happens to fall in February (and there's already Valentine's day to contend with there), so January it is. We are attempting to pull together an honest to goodness wedding in about a month and a half, with the little matter of Christmas between now and then. It feels a little like a survivor challenge. Think we'll get voted off the island?

Silver Lining

First of all, thank you so much for all the nice comments on my last post. It really did make me feel better.

Second, if I had known Tuesday was going to be the absolute worst day before I started feeling better again, maybe I wouldn't have whined quite so much. Yesterday was manageable and today was an absolute dream. I was able to be productive at work for the first time in weeks and I made it through the whole day without a nap, which is unbelievable. I'm not even going to tempt fate by suggesting that this might be the end of the worst of it, but I'm sure you all know what I'm hoping for.

Now, a little story. It turns out, I get very nervous before doctors appointments. I haven't always been this way--just lately with any appointment related to the bean. The closer it gets to the appointment, the more and more I start to worry about hearing bad news. Today was our second prenatal visit and I texted the boy during the day to say that I didn't want to go anymore. I was really very scared of hearing bad news. Well, we did end up going and it was definitely worth it. We heard the jelly bean's little heart beating away. It was nervewracking there for a few minutes because the student midwife had a difficult time finding it at first. All of us--the boy, the student midwife, the no-longer a student midwife, and I--were holding our breaths. Finally, there the little one was, hiding, but there.

Hearing the heartbeat on the doppler is such a huge hurdle. Eight weeks ago, it seemed like a lifetime away. Our little bean is now officially a fetus, has its own placenta, and a heartbeat loud enough for the mamas to hear. I'm so proud!

Its my (pity) party and I'll whine if I want to

It turns out, it was a bit optimistic for me to be hoping the morning sickness was tapering off at 9 weeks. I had those few blissful days of relief, followed by a couple weeks of a kinder, gentler nausea that was totally manageable and now I'm hit with this. I've been told I tend towards the dramatic, but even I'm at a loss to come up with words horrifying enough to describe this feeling. Every day is worse than the one before, the nausea has invaded every fiber of my being and is waking me up at night (seriously waking me up in the middle of the night so that I can roll around feeling sick to my stomach)! Its relentless--I feel sick every second of the day. I can't think. I can't get out of bed. Today, I woke up, dropped my beloved off at the train and drove an hour to work only to walk into the building, take one look at my desk, and turn right around and come home. I couldn't face even the idea of sitting down and pretending to work while this nausea has its claws in me. And the exhaustion! Oh, I'm so incredibly tired. On more than one occasion I have debated whether I really need to get out of bed to go to the bathroom or maybe I can hold it a while longer because the 20 paces to the bathroom might as well be 20 miles.

Out the window is the idea that I wouldn't be eating refined sugar while pregnant. Ha! That's a laugh--gatorade, chocolate, and gingersnaps are the only things that are helping me to hang on. The idea that I would only eat organic produce? I'm pretty sure all the takeout places we've been visiting aren't buying organic. Oh, and the one where I would be a wonderful partner who continued to do her fair share of household tasks and still prepare meals for her adorable partner who doesn't cook? Not while I'm exhausted and heading to bed the second I get home (oh, that's on the days when I actually stay at work).

And the final straw? I promised myself that I would never, no matter how awful I felt, complain about being pregnant. I know how fortunate I am and what a gift I've been given. I'm a miserable, ungrateful, nauseous twit but this has to, has GOT to end. Now. Please? I know they mean well, but so many people have been telling me their morning sickness ended at 14 weeks and I just can't hear it. Two more weeks? Are ya freakin' kidding me? Has anyone ever died from this? I may well be the first.

And if you're thinking that I'm a creampuff who will never, ever make it through an unmedicated birth, you're not alone. That thought has crossed my mind too.