Birthing the Bean

Monday morning we had our last midwife appointment. We had spent the weekend trying all the induction techniques we could think of (other than castor oil), but we just couldn't get anything started. The midwife checked me (3cm), swept my membranes (for the second time) and scheduled me for an induction on Wednesday. We talked about the castor oil and she said if I was going to take it, I should do it that day. I was nervous to take the stuff, so we decided to wait until Tuesday morning to try it since I had been nauseous all day and didn't want to make myself more sick.

I woke up just after midnight on Tuesday morning to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back in bed, I had my first painful contraction and then another one 5 minutes later. I timed contractions for 20 minutes, then woke up the boy to say, "I think I'm in labor, but you should go back to sleep." I drank some water and paced around downstairs to see if the contractions would keep coming. When it seemed like this was the real thing, I tried going back to bed, but it was too uncomfortable to lay down. I decided to labor in the living room trying a bunch of different things to get comfortable--labor ball, hands and knees, standing, etc. I was really tired and wanted to conserve energy, so I ended up spending most of the time propped up on the couch so I could rest between contractions but still be sitting up when they hit. The boy kept checking on me throughout the night to see how I was doing. I was nauseous and finally around 7 am, I threw up like I never have in my life. I can't even explain how violently I wretched except to say that when I looked in the mirror afterwards I burst into tears. Hundreds of blood vessels had broken in my face and I was literally covered with large red blotches. It was terrifying. By that point, I was done with laboring at home. My contractions were between 3-4 minutes apart and only 45 seconds long (we would have preferred them to be closer to a minute long), but I just wanted to go to the hospital. The boy called one of our midwives who offered to check me at their office.

The trip to the office was torture--I made the boy pull over every time a contraction hit because I couldn't handle the bumps while contracting. We finally made it to the midwive's office and learned I was 4-5 cms dilated. We were given the choice to head to the hospital, go back home, or walk around at the office for a bit. I just wanted to go to the hospital and get settled so I didn't have to move around anymore, so we went in. I had several contractions while walking into the hospital and had to keep stopping and leaning on something until it passed. A bunch of people offered us a wheelchair or asked if we needed help, but it was a point of pride for me to walk into labor and delivery myself (I can't tell you why this was, but its how I felt). We finally got there and got to our room, but had to wait a while to get checked in (and we were waiting for the midwife who would attend our birth to arrive). I wasn't sure what to do with myself, but ended up sitting cross legged on the floor and stayed that way during check in and the initial 20 minute fetal monitoring.

Finally, our midwife arrived, I was taken off the monitors and given the OK to get in the whirlpool. While I was in the tub, they gave me some IV fluids, since I had been vomiting. The tub really helped with the pain of contractions, but also worked to slow them down. At some point while I was in the tub, our doula arrived and shortly after I got the shivers. I had heard that shaking was normal after delivery, but didn't realize it would happen during labor as well. I was so glad the doula was there to reassure us about that because it was a little disconcerting to be shaking while in a warm bathtub! I was in the tub for over an hour and then had to get out again to spend some more time on the fetal monitors. Our nurse was great, but was insistent that I be flat on my back during the monitoring, which was the worst possible position for the pain. While I was in the position anyway, the midwife checked me and I was still at 5 cm. If sweetie and I had learned anything during all our classes and reading, it was that we shouldn't invest any energy it what those numbers were. It was drilled into us over and over that labor can stall at any dilation and can also progress quickly. I had decided to just ignore the numbers and focus on getting through the contractions. Still, I had been in labor for almost 12 hours and it had been almost 4 since I was first checked at 4-5 cms. The midwife suggested she break my water to try to get things moving. I always thought I would resist having my water broken because, once its done, you have a limited amount of time to deliver before they begin pushing for a c-section. I quickly agreed, though, because I realized that I would be worn out and unable to continue if I hadn't delivered in another 12 hours.

After my water was broken, contractions became more intense almost immediately. The midwife recommended I try taking a shower, but I couldn't get the water hot enough or the water pressure high enough to do much to alleviate the pain I was feeling in my back, so I got back in the tub. While laboring in the tub the second time, I became nauseous again and started really having a hard time handling contractions. This was the first time that I turned to the boy and said I couldn't do it anymore. Rather than making it through each contraction one at a time, it became about making it through a third of the contraction. They would start out OK and I would do a good job of relaxing through it, but at the height of each one my body would involuntarily tense in a way that felt like wretching. After the peak, I would regain control and be able to relax again. I told our doula that I thought I was pushing. I really wasn't sure because it wasn't as though I was making a choice to push and tensing my muscles--my body was just taking over and doing it without any help from me. The doula reassured me that I would feel like pushing when I felt more pressure down low, so I figured I was wrong about what was happening. After an hour or more in the tub, it was time to get out again and be hooked back up to the monitors and have my midwife check me. I was at 8 cms. My back pain became overwhelming, along with the nausea. I threw up again and remember being embarrassed at having done it in front of everyone, particularly the boy who was right next to me, but I quickly forgot about that. From that point on, I kept my eyes closed and turned completely inward. I was aware of what was going on around me, but I didn't feel a part of it at all. Looking back now, I know that I was in transition but at the time, I couldn't think about progressing. I could only focus on what was happening at that very second. It wasn't about having a baby, it was about surviving each new contraction. After this point, I also started saying no to everything anyone told me to do. The midwife told me the baby was trying to turn her head to make her way down and that I should get out of bed and on my feet, but I couldn't face the idea of moving. It wasn't until I overheard the midwife tell our nurse that I needed to get out of bed "if we have any hope of making this work" that I agreed to move (out of fear of a c-section).

Since my eyes were closed, everything that happened at this point just happened--voices came and went in my ears, pillows appeared, hands were on my back, but I wasn't always sure who was doing what. I was set up leaning over a counter and was told to pace around the room between contractions. I was really vocalizing with every contraction and tried to moan like I was being told to do, but ended up mostly yelling "oww" and "it hurts so much." Of course, there was also a lot of "no" and "I can't do this" thrown in anytime anyone told me to do anything. This was absolutely the worst point, as I labored through those last 2 cms. The contractions were so intense that I needed to lean over the counter for the first and last third of them and then stood up straight and pushed 2 or 3 times at the height of each. Someone told me not to push, but then I heard our midwife saying that I should go ahead and do whatever my body was telling me to do. I had no choice in the matter--there was no way I could not push. The boy was helping me walk around between contractions and when I felt another one coming, I would rush back to the counter so I could lean. Remember also that my water was broken and I was leaking fluid with each contraction. That is such a sanitized way of describing what was happening--the reality was much more gruesome than it sounds and I was again horrified by it.

While we were walking around, I had to open my eyes, of course, and I saw that everyone was rushing around getting things ready. The baby warmer was brought out and supplies were being piled up. I didn't understand why they were doing this--I still didn't believe the baby was coming any time soon. The midwife mercifully asked me to get back in the bed and checked me again. I was fully dilated and ready to push. Rather than being excited by this news, I complained. I didn't want to push, I really didn't want to do anything but tell everyone that I couldn't do this anymore. My legs were lifted for me and I'm pretty sure someone had to lift my hands and force me to hold my legs up. I began pushing because I was being told to. The midwife had me sort of roll over--I pushed for a few contractions on my back, some my side, in a squatting position, and then the other side. At one point, I believe the baby's heart rate declined because the nurse asked me to not push for one contraction and, as much as I didn't want to push, it was worse to not push. I complained about that too. After that one contraction, we were back to pushing and the midwife asked me what position I wanted to continue in. I could have squatted, which was what I had planned, but I was just too tired and too scared of more pain to move, so I continued pushing on my back. This may sound strange, but I was still in my own world and not thinking about the baby at all. The doula kept telling me the baby was coming and I'd think to myself, "No, she's not!" I guess part of it was that I was just trying to get through what was happening to me and part of it was that I didn't want to get my hopes up in case I ended up with a very long labor. So, when the midwife started talking about the color of the baby's hair, I told myself that the head can move down with each push and then move back up between contractions. A few minutes later, the midwife asked if I wanted to feel her head crowning. I felt her little head there, but for some reason it didn't register that she was crowning. I was waiting to feel the "ring of fire" that I'd heard about and I didn't think she could really be crowning if I hadn't felt it. A few minutes later, I felt incredible pressure and almost a bulging feeling and I thought maybe that had been her starting to crown. The midwife asked me to open my eyes and I really didn't want to (I may have even said no), but thankfully I did. I opened my eyes and that was a moment I will never forget. I had birthed the bean's head and shoulders and there was this baby right there, just looking around at everyone. I was so in my own world I had almost forgotten we were having a baby, but seeing her there brought me right back to reality and I couldn't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about her. I looked up and saw the boy, who was also watching the bean. There was so much emotion on both our faces. I later learned that the boy had caught her as she came out. The midwife then told me to reach down and pick her up, which I did and she came right onto my belly and just layed there and looked around. Unfortunately, they had to take her away immediately because there had been some meconium when my water was broken. They checked her out for a few minutes, which felt like an eternity, then she was back on my chest. I wasn't quite done whining, though, so I told the midwife at that point that I didn't want to birth the placenta--I was done! It ended up being no big deal and it was a lot less pressure without everyone yelling at me to push. During that time, we were told to keep the bean crying for a while until she pinked up, but once her color was good she latched on and ate for over an hour. In fact, she stayed up nursing most of that first night.

Everything turned out exactly the way we wanted, despite our concerns about being in the hospital. The only little thing I wish I had done differently is that I wish I had forced myself to suck it up and push in a squatting position. My tailbone was broken during delivery, which made getting in and out of bed extremely painful those first couple days and sitting to nurse for hours is torture. I wonder if it would have been different had I not pushed on my back. Still, its hard to complain. We ended up with the most beautiful little girl and were able to avoid the induction and have a natural birth.

Introducing The Bean

Born on June 30th

9 lbs 4 oz

Can it be?

A full 13 days past our due date and one day before our scheduled induction, it looks like my body knows how to go into labor after all. We hope to be holding our little bean later today. Please keep us in your thoughts until then!

The longest 10 days of my life

The longer she makes us wait, the more I knit,

Sheldon turtle knit from knitpicks shine sport, Baby Merry-Janes knit with Cascade 220, Newborn hat made with knitpicks Bare in worsted, Aleenan mekko dress made with knitpicks shine sport, and Crumpets dress knit with Rowan DK cotton.

and sew,

Very baby pocket diapers, microfiber inserts, and hemp fleece wipes.

and bake.

Ginger-spiced scones with cashews and dates from Vegan Planet and chewy oatmeal-raisin cookies from Veganomicon.

Overripe

Dear Bean,

Well, the date that we've been thinking about, repeating to one another, and preparing for these past several months has come and gone with little fanfare. It seems that you are healthy and comfortable right where you are and that's where you plan to stay, for now. Sad as it is, this temporary arrangement we have going on is coming to an end. (It seems you may not have gotten the memo--your current living situation was always meant to be temporary. We have made other, more roomy arrangements for you that we think you'll like just as well.)

I understand how stressful moving can be (and I fear that this first move of yours is going to be stressful and painful for all of us), but it can't be avoided. Your parents are ready for you. Your grandparents won't stop calling to ask about you. The neighbors have even started asking where you are. The two of us together are just too big.

Its time.

We can't wait to meet you,
Mom

39 Weeks

I just got back from my 39 week midwife appointment. It would seem all the contractions I've been having have actually been doing something--I went from just a fingertip dilated last week to a full 1 cm, 50-60% effaced and the bean is at a -2 station. (She needs to move from -4 to 0 and then on to +4, which is at the exit, so she's started heading in the right direction!) I'm fully expecting a long wait, but having a little progress is so reassuring!

I asked our midwife to estimate how big the bean might end up being and she told me 8 - 8 1/2 pounds. Some may think me crazy for rejoicing at this news, but considering I myself was a 10 pounder, 8 pounds doesn't bother me at all. I know the estimate could be off, but I needed to hear at this point that they think she's going to be at least a tad smaller than I was, whether it ends up being the case or not.

So, the plan for next week is to have a non-stress test on my due date. If, for some reason, the bean isn't doing well they'll send me right off for an induction, otherwise I'll be offered an induction for the following week (which I'll decline). Then we'll have more waiting, I'm sure.

We're still keeping ourselves busy with cleaning and working on house projects until the bean decides to show her face. For some reason, I'm procrastinating on finishing up my diaper sewing and putting those last couple items into the hospital bag. I did, however, convince the boy that we should set up the pack and play in the living room, just in case that's what was keeping the bean. Doesn't seem to have had much of an effect, though.

We realized as we were starting to pack our hospital bags that we as yet didn't have a baby book. I hadn't really given this much thought, as I expected we'd pick something up at one of the baby stores. I knew that we'd end up with something that mentioned mommy and daddy, but figured it'd only be one page and we could work around it. Unfortunately, when we started looking at the books, most had mommy and daddy references on every page. That clearly won't work for us, so we explored our options with internet retailers and found this.

This book advertises itself for single, adoptive, and same-sex parents and has removable pages, so it can be customized for most any situation. There is even a page for information about the sperm (or egg) donor, which we thought would be nice for the bean to have. Its not quite as flashy as some of the other books we've looked at; in fact, we both thought we could have made sometime similar ourselves but we also knew it would be a project we'd think about and possibly never finish before the bean arrived.

Still, it will definitely serve our purposes and thank goodness there won't be a lot of daddy mommy references!

38 Weeks

I've been saying this for a while, but I just can't believe how far along we are in this pregnancy. 38 weeks! While I feel completely and utterly ready for this pregnancy to be at its end, I'm also shocked at how quickly the time has passed.

Truthfully, I've been really uncomfortable lately and, though I'm trying to stay positive, I was pretty down today. Luckily, our incredible midwife completely cheered me up at my checkup by joking with me that the baby won't come before I'm completely miserable and reassuring me that just as many women have their babies in the two weeks before their due dates as have them in the two weeks after. I asked her to check me and then lie about what she found and, while I'm typically prissy about talking about such things as the condition of my cervix, I'll share what she told me. The bean is low, although not yet engaged, and I'm a fingertip dilated. Now I have no idea whether she was just complying with my request or actually telling me the truth, but it doesn't matter one bit. I can pin all my hopes onto a fingertip's worth of dilation and that should get me through another week. Hopefully by then there'll be a bit more progress and that can get me through until our due date (at which point I may cry hysterically and beg the bean to please come out, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it).

Anyway, lets all distract ourselves with some crafty goodness, eh?

First of all, I am more-than-a-little-bit proud to announce that the blanket I have been knitting this entire pregnancy is now complete.



This should give you an idea of the size (it turned out quite a bit bigger than I had planned, but the boy and I both agree that the larger size is better, after all).

And the border. This is the Prairie Blanket by Oat Couture knit with some super soft alpaca yarn we picked up at Rhinebeck last year.

Next up is the Helena sweater

and a Cable Cap

both of which were also knit from some yarn we picked up at Rhinebeck, but I seem to have lost the ball band. I'm fairly certain it was superwash wool, but now I might be too scared to wash it in the washer. I guess we'll see how it wears before I decide.

And finally, a Tri-peak hat.

And I may still owe her a pair of booties, but that's probably enough wool for a baby who'll be born in the summer, don't you think?

I'm still working on all those knit toys I promised to make and, of course, there's always diaper sewing to keep me busy until she finally decides to make an appearance.

37 Weeks

Some time ago, I posted about my worries over the baby's position. She spent a few weeks flipping around and experimenting with being breach, but thankfully she's proven to be very open to my suggestion that she get her head down and start preparing for her exit. She's been head down at the last several checkups, thank goodness!

I also learned at my last checkup that my group B strep test was negative--another relief! No antibiotics for me during labor, thank you very much.

The only small bit of bad news is that the midwives think the bean might be posterior. This means that, while her head is down, she is facing my belly and we'd much prefer she be looking backward. I've been assigned some exercises to do to try to encourage her to turn around, since posterior means painful back labor and let's not forget that I'm trying to do this thing without an epidural. I hope she's open to some more friendly suggestions about her position!

Finally, I keep saying over and over that the bean can come whenever she wants, but we only just got a carseat for her this weekend. The carseat is very important if you plan to actually take the baby home from the hospital. We were lucky enough to inherit a gently used seat from a toddler we know and we spent the weekend cleaning it up and reading through the manual. I'll be taking it to the fire department this week to have it installed and then we're ready. After that, you can come whenever you want, bean, this time I mean it.

Early on in my pregnancy, my mother informed me that she believed all babies come early because all of her spontaneous births were early (there are four of us, my youngest sibling was a planned c-section). I'm positive of this information because I've been clinging hopefully to it for the last two weeks. Yesterday, I decided to confirm with her that my oldest sibling was, in fact, born early as well, since that's the only birth relevant to my situation. Mom has changed her story--she insists I'm confused and it was she herself who was born early, the three of us were all two weeks late. *sigh* I'm hoping her memory has faded and we weren't all THAT late. (For me, I'll take due date or just a day or two after, please!)

Finally, I had contractions all weekend with varying degrees of discomfort, none anything I would describe as painful. I know it doesn't mean that the bean is coming anytime soon, but its still comforting to think that something is going on.

Sleep Considerations

I've spent a good deal of time over the last couple months thinking about how we're all going to sleep after this bean arrives. I know it seems strange, since I've been told that new parents don't typically do a lot of sleeping, but still.

When I first got pregnant, there was no doubt in my mind that we'd cosleep. We planned to use a cosleeper, but the more I researched them, the more nervous I got. They aren't safety rated and there have been recalls on some models that posed strangulation hazards. OK, I thought, we'll put the baby in the bed with us. Where should she sleep? Between me and the edge of the bed and we run the risk of her rolling onto the (wood) floor. So I thought we'd get a bed rail which, aside from making it impossible to get in and out of the bed, are not recommended for use with infants. There is something like this which would stop the baby from rolling onto the floor, but isn't it also a suffocation hazard?

OK, how about putting the baby between the two of us? In that case, we run the risk of one of us rolling on top of her. (If you spend any time googling cosleeping, you'll hear so many horrific stories of parents rolling on top of and suffocating their babies, which is the biggest argument against cosleeping that I've found). I've read that this arrangement is not recommended because (apparently) the mother is very aware of the baby, but the father typically has no idea what (or who) he's sleeping on. I'm not sure how this applies to a two mom family, but I'm assuming the boy is the oblivious father in our case.

In all the research I've done, I've read over and over that cosleeping can be safe if the parents do it in a safe manner. However, when I try to find out what this "safe manner" is, all I can find is that you shouldn't smoke or do drugs (including alcohol) before you sleep with your baby and you should remove pillows and blankets from the bed. And how do we keep the little bean in the bed, preferably without an adult body on top of her? I have no clue.

For a while, we thought we'd leave the baby in the bassinet portion of a pack 'n play next to the bed, which seemed like a nice compromise. But then I got nervous because we spent so much time furnishing the bean's room with all wood furniture and we plan to buy an organic mattress with wool used as a fire retardant to minimize any toxic fumes she might be exposed to while sleeping. Then we're going to put her in a big plastic box to sleep for the first couple months? It didn't make sense to me.

Enter a further complication:


This bassinet has been in the boy's family for generations. It has, apparently, been passed around from household to household as each new baby has arrived. The boy's father slept in it, the boy and the boy's brothers slept in it and, most recently, a niece and nephew have both been in it, one of whom is currently under a year old. Its certainly not safety rated. I'm praying that its been repainted at least once since the days of lead paint. Oh yeah, its an odd size, so there were no organic mattresses to be had that would fit. Yet, there it is sitting in our house waiting for the arrival of the little bean. We're not even sure if she'll stay in it, at least at night, because I'm not sure we've completely given up on the idea of having her in the bed. (I'm still attached to the idea of sleeping, or at least lying down, while nursing in the middle of the night.) We're just not sure exactly how its going to work, which might be appropriate since we're not sure how any of this baby stuff is going to work--we're just going to have to wing it.

Another milestone

Today, the little bean is full-term. I've been saying for the past week that she can come whenever she wants, but its only actually true starting today (I was rounding up). I think we're ready. I KNOW I'm ready although I'm bracing myself for a long wait, since conventional wisdom is that first babies come late.


We opted to spend our last long weekend as a 2 person family hanging around the house, resting and finishing final preparations for the bean's arrival. We talked about just how strange it seems that a new person whom we haven't met will be joining our family in just a couple weeks. There's a bed and clothes and all sorts of stuff just sitting there waiting. It feels strange, but exciting too!

We finished putting together and putting away all the gifts from our shower. I washed loads and loads of baby laundry, so now all of the bedding and miscellaneous towels and blankets are clean, along with enough clothes in different sizes to get us through for a while. I still have diapers to sew (of course) but we have enough to get us through a few months. I've been stocking the freezer with meals little by little in hopes that there won't be too many "what will we eat" crises in the first month and I've been trying to keep the pantry stocked so we won't be rushing to the grocery store in the first week. The boy spent a good bit of the weekend cleaning the house top to bottom, since I've mandated that we give it a good scrub once a week so we have a better chance of it being clean when the bean arrives and everyone wants to come over to see her. We're also trying to start babyproofing by strapping large pieces of furniture to the wall and thinking about moving things to higher shelves. Of course, we have plenty of time for that, but we might as well get a jump start now while we're just waiting.

We still have several projects we'd like to finish around the house now that there's time and energy and we don't have to worry about waking a sleeping baby, but nothing that's necessary before she comes. We're ready. We may still have a month to wait, but now would be good too.

How about some more pictures of the nursery, now that we're all done with it?



The crib still doesn't have a mattress, but we're not planning to put her in it for a while anyway, so we'll get that after she arrives. I hate to admit that we struggled an embarassingly large amount of time trying to install the mobile. Our crib doesn't have straight sides, which is what its designed to hang on. We finally resigned ourselves to hanging it on the wall above the crib, even though we thought it would be out of sight of the little bean. Then we took a trip to the store where we purchased the crib and saw the display model with a mobile attached at the back, like we have ours here. So much frustration for such a simple little thing!



The shelves on these back walls were meant to be filled with knitted toys (knitted by yours truly). Clearly, I'm not doing such a great job in that department, although there has been plenty of knitting. If she holds out a few more weeks, I may be able to get a couple done.

I love our little closet changing station! The garbage can contains a wet bag for cloth diapers and, its hard to see, but we installed a little shelf on the right side to hold lotions and pins and other diaper changing paraphenelia. The diaper hanger is stuffed full of disposables plus there are two more bins full. That diaper cake was bigger than it looked!



I believe I've lost the war on pink. There are a couple baby blue outfits (although you may notice that those are dresses) and one or two things in purple and every single other article of clothing is pink. Perhaps when she's a year old, she can wear a different color?

And the countdown continues

Our little bean is due to arrive exactly one month from today. Of course, we all know that due dates mean nothing to the little babes who pick their own birthdays, but still. We're getting close.
This week, we finish our last childbirth class. In effort to be (over) prepared, I signed us up for 12 weeks of Bradley, 4 weeks of childbirth preparation classes at our hospital along with baby care, car seat safety and breastfeeding. I'm really glad that we tried all these out and a couple of them were really good, but most of them were, well, not. I guess there was no way to know that in advance, but it turns out we could have read all the books that we've already been working our way through and we'd have pretty much the same, if not more, information. We'll see if any of this makes one bit of difference while we're working our way through contractions, though!

The last series of classes we took were at the hospital and as sweetie and I were riding the elevator down to the lobby one evening, we stopped to pick someone up. The woman (wearing scrubs) backed up to let us off and gave us a very strange look when we told her we weren't getting off on her floor. "But THIS is the 3rd floor," she insisted. It took me a few minutes to remember that labor and delivery is on the third floor. She thought I looked pregnant enough to actually be in labor and heading in for delivery. That was a couple weeks ago and while I'm getting anxious for the little bean to show up, she still had a bit of baking left to do at that point. Not that I'm defensive or anything, but I felt an urge to explain to her how far along I was and that my midwife tells me I'm measuring right on target. But yeah, I'm big.

One more month to go . . . it simultaneously seems like a short period of time and an eternity.

Who doesn't love a shower?

I love baby showers. I'm not going to lie--I love seeing all the cute little clothes and fun baby gear and decorations and playing all the silly games (the games are really my favorite part!). I know some people hate going to them, but I've always loved them.


With my family almost entirely 3000 miles away, I knew none of them would be hosting one and no one in sweetie's family had mentioned anything to me, so I was not expecting to have one (although it was odd that the sweetie was so opposed to my buying anything for the baby--even at 34 weeks!). I should also mention that I am incredibly hard to suprise. I (usually) can tell when someone's hiding something from me and I (annoyingly) ask a lot of questions about what's going on, so I make it hard on would-be surprise planners.

Last weekend, we were planning to go to my mother-in-law's house for Mother's day brunch on Sunday morning, but Friday afternoon the boy called to tell me that there was a change in plans and that mother-in-law would like to have everyone over for brunch on Saturday instead. (I'm not sure how to feel about the fact that the boy is getting better at hiding things from me, but I'm choosing to see it as a good thing in this context.)

So, Saturday morning we arrived at mother-in-law's house, walked in, and I immediately see a bunch of stuff in her entry (mother-in-law's house is always exceptionally tidy). I say hello and then all of a sudden a bunch of people come out of the dining room and yell surprise and I realize that the "stuff" in the entry is a bunch of gifts. Yay, a surprise shower complete with the games that I love so much! I really had no idea and I have to say, after experiencing it for the first time, that I'm now a fan of being surprised. It was so much fun!

Opening presents--I don't know where everyone found such cute clothes, but we were given stuff that is so much cuter than what I bought.


Gotta love a diaper cake! Even though we're planning to use cloth, I think we'll end up putting the bean in disposables occasionally, so these are perfect!

Apparently, you're supposed to make a hat out of the ribbons and wear it for good luck.

It was so much fun and so good to see everyone. And now we really do have everything we need for the little bean, we just need to spend this weekend organizing and putting everything away!

California Dreamin'

At my review in January, my boss asked me to attend a two week training in CA at some point during the year and wanted to know whether I preferred to go before or after the baby. At the time, I was only thinking about being uncomfortable on the plane and of how much work we had to do before the baby came, so I decided to put it off. The farther along I got, the idea of being away from a nursing infant caused me to reconsider. So, off I went to the bay area at 32 weeks pregnant. (A lot of people asked me if it was still safe to fly. I wondered the same thing, but its OK to fly up to 36 weeks--I made it just under the wire.)

At the same time, I was complaining to the boy that I was regretting our decision not to take any vacations this year and that I wanted one last weekend away before the baby came. This was the perfect opportunity for the sweetie to fly out and spend the weekend with me for a mini babymoon!

We didn't do much of anything exciting, but ventured to Santa Cruz to hang out at the beach. We stumbled upon a great vegetarian restaurant that had veggie corn dogs on the menu (something I was just telling the boy that I sometimes missed from my meat eating days). We loved the place so much that we came back the next day for a veggie bacon cheeseburger with an onion ring and BBQ sauce on top (another guilty pleasure from the past). The place was like a pregnancy craving nirvana, I've got to tell you.

When I left for the trip I was 32 weeks pregnant, which made our due date seem so much farther away than it seems now at 34 weeks. I came back to a very relaxed partner who was saying, "don't worry, we'll get everything done" so I had to put a rush on things by pointing out that if the baby decides to come at 36 weeks, the doctors won't stop her. Saying that even put a panic into me! Even more scary is that when I asked our midwife about it this week, she said that even at 34 weeks, they'll only do a half ass job of trying to stop labor. I fully expect bean to make a late arrival, but I'd still like to be prepared in case she surprises me! We've been picking up things that we need here and there, but this weekend we'll do one last massive shopping spree and then I'll work on the mad dash to sew diapers.

In addition to time somehow moving faster while I was away, my belly growth seems to have also accelerated. People are now either asking me when the due date is (immediately followed by, "you must be getting close") or just flat out telling me that I look like I'm ready to go at any minute. People at work are also becoming hesitant to plan anything with me because they're not sure I'll be around much longer.

I have to say that there has been an amazing symmetry to this pregnancy. The first couple months were full of worry, nausea and wonder and I could have told you at any given time how far along I was, down to the day (when we toured the birth center, I proudly announced that I was 4weeks 3days). The second trimester flew by with me sometimes forgetting what week we were on, but now I'm back to paying attention to the exact number of days we have left to go. The worry and nausea are back and after having been told that I likely wouldn't be able to get pregnant, I never allowed myself to even imagine what it would be like to be in this position. I just can't believe there's a near full-term baby in my belly! Just a few more weeks until we get a look at this little bean.

Pardon my rant . . .

but I never noticed just how gendered baby clothes really are. When you walk into any baby store, you know right away which side is boy's clothes and which side is girl's because you're overwhelmed by the blue and pink before you even get through the door.

Now, I'm a fairly "girly girl" myself and trust me, I love me some pink and some dresses, but everyone has their limits. We have some dresses that are super cute that we'll definitely put the bean in, but how many dresses does one baby really need? I mean, dresses just make certain things uncomfortable (like crawling and, later, running) and it annoys me how an infant's dress rides up when you're holding her. And is it too much to ask that pink be just ONE color in her wardrobe?

I may have reached my limit the other day when the sweetie and I were shopping and I held up a very cute garment that I (wrongly) assumed was a top. I was thrilled that it was a non-pink color and feeling very proud of myself until the sweetie asked, "Is that a top?" I looked closer and answered, "No, is another @*$#ing dress!!!"

Sheesh!

32 Weeks

We are closing in on the end of the 32nd week and I have to say that I've been extremely lucky up to this point. Aside from the horrible morning sickness (which we cannot, ever, discount because it really was THAT bad and it lasted well into the fourth month) and the aversion to drinking water that lasted another few weeks beyond that, I've felt really good. I felt so good in the second trimester that I was sometimes surprised to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and be reminded that, yes, I really was that pregnant.

I still don't have any major complaints. I'm starting to get a little bit of heartburn (and a couple episodes of reflux) and a little bit of back pain (should be doing more back exercises--shame on me!). My calves have swollen a little bit, but my hands and face look pretty good and I'm still able to wear my rings! The belly has grown to such monumental proportions that I'm no longer surprised when I see it--I'm convinced its an optical illusion. It doesn't feel like this huge bump should be part of me (and it doesn't feel that big from where I'm sitting).

I know there's still time for all the 3rd trimester discomforts to creep in, but the longer I ward them off, the better. Here's the belly at this point, I can hardly fathom it getting any bigger.

Prefolds, Covers, and Snappis . . . Oh My!

Don't you hate it when life gets in the way of blogging? I have so many things I've been wanting to post about here. First of all, more than you ever wanted to know about cloth diapers.

Val brought up some valid concerns in the comments of this post. Like Val, I remember my mother using cloth diapers with my younger brother and it being quite a pain. Mom rinsed the dirty diapers in the toilet (the thought of which still makes me gag) and everyone was always getting stuck with the diaper pins that inevitably ended up all over the house. I'm certainly not an expert, but here's what I've learned about how cloth diapering is different now than it was when we were babies.

First of all, our parents probably used either flat or prefold diapers. A flat diapers is essentially just a large square of fabric that is folded up and around the baby. Prefold diapers are similar, but are prefolded (clever name, huh?) and sewn into place so that there are extra thicknesses of fabric where the baby will wet. In the past, these diapers would have been folded around the baby, pinned into place and then covered with a waterproof layer which my mother called rubber pants (but were probably really plastic). These covers are still available, but something like this is more popular since it wraps around the baby, is adjustable, and the fabric is breathable. I've heard that you can just fold a prefold into thirds, lay it inside the cover and you're good to go without having to do any fancy wrap and pin action. If you prefer, you can also do the fancy wrap action without the pinning if you're using one of the wrap around covers. Finally, if you're set on pinning, an alternative to diaper pins are Snappis which are plastic devices which grab onto the diaper to keep it in place. The advantage to flat or prefold diapers is that they are relatively inexpensive and dry quickly in the dryer.

Our mothers would be happy to learn that there are other options as well! There are fitted diapers, which look like disposable diapers, but are made from absorbent cloth. They either snap or velcro around the baby and need to a diaper cover in order to be waterproof. There are also all-in-one diapers, which are the closest you can get to feeling like you're using disposables. These have the waterproof layer and absorbent inside sewn together in one piece so all you do is velcro or snap the whole shebang on the little one and you're good to go. All-in-ones are the most expensive option and I've heard complaints that they take forever to dry in the laundry due to all the different layers of fabric. This is where pocket diapers come in. They work similar to an all-in-one diaper, but there is a removable middle layer of absorbent fabric that can be washed and dried separately (which means they dry quickly).

I am told that there is no need to soak or rinse cloth diapers before washing them. There shouldn't be any, ahem, solid waste for the first several months and after that, the solids can just be dumped in the toilet and the diapers washed with an extra rinse. I was also concerned about soaking because I seem to remember my mom having bucket full of water and diapers waiting to be washed (which is not only a safety concern, but an aesthetic one as well). They say the dirty diapers can just go in a waterproof bag inside an airtight garbage can until laundry day, when the whole mess gets thrown in the washer. We shall soon find out if "they" know what they're talking about.

I've been researching diaper options for months now and it seems like most people have the hardest time finding the right fit during the first few months. I'm hoping that we can avoid that problem by using prefolds since we have so many options for folding. Also, the covers are what prevent leaks and they're relatively inexpensive so we can afford to try out a few different brands until we find something that works. Prefolds are also the most economical option to get us through that period when the bean will be using 2 (or more?) dozen diapers a day. After that, we're switching to homemade pocket diapers. There's a little anxiety for me around this topic because its quite an investment, both in time and materials, to make these puppies and there's really no guarantee that they'll fit or work for us. I guess its like everything else with this baby--we can plan all we want but we really have no idea how this whole thing is going to go until she gets here.

That being said (and no one accused me of being brief), I've made our very first diaper. I really stressed about what fabrics to make it out of. The waterproof outer layer is PUL (polyester polyurethane laminated fabric), that was an easy choice. The inner layer, the part that touches the bean's skin, is organic hemp fleece. From what I've learned, microfleece or suedecloth are better choices in terms of wicking moisture away from the baby and I debated for quite a while about whether that should outweigh my aversion to covering our child's nether regions with synthetic fabric but, in the end, the hippie in me won out. I really hope we don't have a ton of leaky diapers and an unhappy baby. The synthetic fabric won out for the inner layer, which is three layers of a microfiber dish towel that I stitched together.

The microfiber "stuffing."

Inside view--all stuffed.

And all folded up. Its a bit sloppy, but not bad for a first try.

Interestingly enough, after all that debating about fiber content, I didn't give much thought to fabric color. I picked what I thought was pretty and bought it. It wasn't until the sweetie noticed the outer layer fabric sitting on my sewing table and asked, "What if baby #2 is a boy?" that I realized I should have picked something a bit more neutral.

Swimming Lessons

Going to see my cardiologist is sort of an all day event. His office is in New York, so getting there requires me to take the day off work and commute into the city with the sweetie. After spending five minutes in his office, during which he gave me my "get out of a c-section free" card, I went shopping. I've been growing out of my first batch of maternity clothes and needed a couple more things to last me through the end. I hope I have everything I need now-I hate buying maternity clothes. I'm too cheap to spend a ton of money on clothes I'll only wear for a few months, and the cheap clothes are all really frumpy looking. I'd much rather be spending the money on bean clothes.

Speaking of the little one--apparently week 30 is the week she learns to swim. I was a little concerned on Monday because I hadn't felt her move as much as usual. The next couple days, where I had been feeling kicks in my ribs, I was feeling them near my hips. I told the boy I was pretty sure she had turned breech and the midwife confirmed it at my appointment last night. I was pretty bummed out, I mean, she stayed head down for all this time just to turn now? She couldn't hold still for a couple more months? Then, later in the night, I felt reassuring kicks at the top of my belly. For a minute. Then she somersaulted back around for the rest of the evening but this morning I think she's head down again. I believe at this point she is just messing with me. I had heard women talk about being able to tell what position their babies were in, but I didn't think I would be able to. The midwife even tried to show me how to feel for the head, but I just nodded along with what she was saying. From the outside, everything feels like one big lump, but it turns out those feet in your crotch are pretty unmistakable.

As promised (at least I think I promised), I finally have pictures of the nursery.

I'm starting to rethink the mirrors on the wall--any thoughts? I wonder if we should just lose them and either leave that wall empty or move the shelf over. Funny story about the diaper bag--I didn't intend to get one that matched the room but, obviously, I love green and brown. I was actually looking for something a little less "girly" so that the boy could also carry it without being embarrassed, but I was informed that its a rite of passage for men to carry hideous girly diaper bags, so the pretty brown and green one it is!

I love these little rug dots. They serve absolutely no function whatsoever, but they're so darn cute! Sweetie still needs to paint the side table--the drawers will all be the same green as the upper half of the wall.

We went back and forth about the changing table a couple times. First, we planned to buy a low dresser and change the baby on the top, but we realized that there's no way we'd fit all that furniture in the room. My frugal side was loath to spend money on a changing table that we'd only use for a few months and, despite being pretty spendy, most changing tables are so rickety that I wouldn't want to put a baby on one anyway. Finally, we found this one at Ikea. Its solid wood and the top comes off so that the bean can use it for a bookshelf or toy storage later. We thought about adding it to the boy's painting list, but since it doesn't really fit in the room anyway, we ended up hiding it in the closet. I think its perfect in there, because we can hang a shelf on one of the side walls and have stuff handy without worrying about things dropping from above onto her head. I'm so happy with how it all turned out!

False Advertising

Even though this blog claims to be all about crafting and cooking, I haven't been making much of anything lately aside from this big belly. Maybe I should change the subtitle to bulleted points on house renovation and Bradley class bitching? Well, at least that should be the title of this post.

• After all my complaining last week, the Bradley class ended up being not half bad. An acupuncturist visited to demonstrate pressure points that ease contractions and it was nice to meet her just in case we need to call on her services for baby turning or induction help later.
  
  
• I needn't have worried about our hospital's birth policies. Last week, we finally met the third midwife in the practice (who we really liked) and she eased all of our concerns. A midwife will deliver our baby at the hospital and the change in location is pretty much the only difference between that and the birth center. (Except that I can't deliver in the tub, but I wasn't sure that was something we'd want anyway.)
  
  
• I "passed" the gestational diabetes test with a result of 113 (anything less than 140 is passing). That's 113 mg/dL of glucose in the blood, if you're curious.
  
  
• We are STILL working on getting this house into shape, although we're hopeful that we can finish this weekend. Last weekend my coworker came by with a helper to install the toilet that had been sitting in our hallway for weeks and to do some electrical work and other odds and ends. Its so nice to have that stuff done and to see this place starting to look more like a home than a construction area.

• The midwives have been hinting that I may need a medicated birth or the dreaded c-section unless my cardiologist gives me a note saying its OK to have a natural birth. I feel a little bit like an 8th grader getting a permission slip signed to go on the school field trip and it actually angers me if I think about it too long. Um, he needs to give me permission to give birth? He didn't seem at all concerned when I discussed a potential pregnancy with him last fall, so I'm hoping there won't be an issue when I ask for my permission slip tomorrow.
  
  
• Finally, there was a huge package of cloth diapers waiting for me when I arrived home today. I always knew that I wanted to cloth diaper, but I had no idea how complicated it was. There are so many options and so many different opinions on what works best. I finally placed an order for 36 unbleached, Indian prefold diapers, along with a couple diaper covers and snappis. We'll use those for the first couple weeks when the bean is blowing through diapers like they're going out of style and it'll be hardest to get a good fit. After that, we'll use pocket diapers that I plan to sew in a couple different sizes. I think the boy is still a little unsure about this whole thing, but hopefully it will work for us and we'll both get the hang of it. For now, the prefolds are in wash #1 out of the 5 they'll need before they can be used. After that, we gotta learn how to actually put these things on the kid!
  

28 Weeks

Apparently, I'm not very chatty lately. I've slowed down considerably in the last couple weeks, so I'm not accomplishing much after work and I can't remember a weekend when we weren't working on getting our new place together. Interestingly enough, the two rooms we aren't using are the closest to being done--the office/workout room in the basement (which is awaiting installation of a new phone line before we can actually use the computer) and the nursery. Sweetie finished the painting, our crib and dresser arrived (yay!) and we put some super cute decals on the wall. We just have a couple more things to hang and then all the big stuff will be done. I'm so happy with the paint job that sweetie did--it looks amazing, so much nicer than I had envisioned. We both keep peeking in the room, just to look at it.

Last night, we took an infant CPR class. I thought we were getting it as part of the four courses we registered for at our hospital but, apparently, I was wrong. We ended up taking it through our town's continuing ed department. Our new town is so small, who knew they even had one? Leave it to the sweetie--those googling skills astound me! Tonight is Bradley class #10 (of 12). I mentioned before that I wasn't so sure about the class but I was trying to keep an open mind. Now, I can say unequivocally that I hate the class. I think that the Bradley method is great and we've gotten a lot out of some written information we've found, but this particular class just sucks. The instructors are very nice people, but not the best teachers and there's a lot of talk about vague "relaxation techniques" or "coach strategies" without any detail. I really thought that was what we would spend 12 weeks learning, but so far . . . nada. I'm also personally a little annoyed because I was told when I registered us for the class that this husband/wife team taught the class together. In reality, the wife has been present for 2 or 3 classes so far and he has taught the others alone. Call me sexist, but I have a hard time hearing that contractions feel like strong menstrual cramps from someone who hasn't experienced either. Oh yeah, not to mention the fact that he just can't seem to bring himself to add "or partner" when talking about the father. The coach is always "he" and the parents are always referred to as "mom and dad" despite the fact that here we are sitting right in front of him with a fetus who will clearly have two mothers. We go back and forth between wanting to stop going and feeling like we should see them out since we've already paid for them. I think we can stick it out for three more weeks and hope that we end up getting a little something out of them, but I'm really starting to resent spending every Wednesday night at these things.

I also have my 28 week checkup today, where I'll get a rhogam injection and my gestational diabetes test. I'm hoping both go well. We are also planning on interrogating the midwife about the hospital procedures, since that's where it turns out I'll be birthing. I'm most concerned about whether there will be limitations on the birthing positions I can use and what procedures are routine and if we'll be able to decline them (I heard that our hospital gives routine pitocin during delivery of the placenta. I can hardly believe that, but if its true, there must be a way to get out of it?) Any suggestions on things I should check into?

24 Weeks

Over the past month, I've noticed people staring at me wherever I go. At first, I put on my tough girl "what are you looking at" attitude, cuz really, what are they looking at? But then it hit me--I'm obviously pregnant. People like to look at the belly (I like to stare at pregnant bellies myself, so I get it). The thing is, I haven't really felt big. I've been enjoying the honeymoon period that is the blissful second trimester--I've had lots of energy, I've been able to eat, and I've been shocked when I walk by a mirror to see this huge bump. (I've actually laughed a few times after getting a glimpse of myself--I look like I shoved a pillow under my shirt!)

If I'd been convincing myself that the whole labor and delivery aspect of this journey was still a long ways off, I got a wake up call at my 24 week midwife appointment. My favorite midwife walked in and very nonchalantly said, "You know you aren't having this baby at the birth center, right?" Um, no. Actually, I didn't. I don't think I've posted much about this before, but my heart has a history of getting all confused and beating in a crazy rhythm. My heart races, I get light-headed and, I found out the hard way, I can pass out if I try to do anything strenuous like walk across the room. Aside from causing a lot of excitement, its not such a huge deal--not life-threatening and only slightly increases my chances of having something bad like a stroke or heart attack. Still, the doctors that oversee the midwife practice are concerned enough about it that they want me to deliver in the hospital.

I'm terrified of delivering in the hospital because, in my irrational mind, hospital = c-section. Aside from one or both of us coming out of this thing with less than perfect health, I'm most scared of having a c-section. A midwife will still be able to attend our birth, but I'm not sure how else being in the hospital will affect our plans. Many questions will be asked at our next appointment.

Now, without further ado, I present the belly:




The funny thing? This picture is a couple weeks old and I'm WAY bigger than that now. And the last week or two, I've noticed the belly has started getting in the way when I try to do crazy things like, oh, bend over to put my socks on, or get up from sitting on the floor. Now the fun begins!