Weddings, Meetings, and Names

It turns out that our photographer has been spending the last couple days in bed getting over being sick, rather than working on our pictures. I can't say I blame him, but that just means that we'll all have to wait a bit longer for photographic evidence that the sweetie and I really went through with it.

In the meantime, I thought I'd let you know (in case you don't read the blog) that the sweetie has posted the story of how we met in three installments starting here. Now you too can be privy to the story, in all its scandalous details! I love the story of how we met because, although I didn't recognize it at the time, that moment was the single most life-altering event in my 30-odd years.

I used to think that the whole "there's only one person for each of us" theory was crap. I thought that people were just hard to get along with, period, and any relationship would take a ton of work. As long as there is some basic compatibility, I thought all relationships were pretty much the same. I was so very wrong. When I met the sweetie, I was so desperately unhappy and I could see no way out. The sweetie recognized, even when I couldn't, that I could be happy, that I didn't deserve to be miserable like I was. As silly and cliche as it sounds, I had no idea a relationship could be like this. I never imagined how it could feel to be able to depend on someone else and know that they can depend on me. To be in a relationship that's mutually supportive and understanding. I think every. single. day how fortunate I am that the sweetie came into my life (and was smart enough to recognize how good we'd be together).

Which brings me to the topic of names (well, it really doesn't, but I couldn't think of a good segue). For the majority of my life, I thought I would never get married. Back when I thought the only option was marrying a man, I could think of nothing worse that getting married, having a few kids, and spending the rest of my life taking care of all these people while trying to earn a living at the same time. I certainly would never change my name to a man's name and lose that symbolic identity along with the literal one. Once I started dating women, a lot of my opinions changed, but I still didn't think I would ever change my name.

When the sweetie and I started discussing the possibility of having children, the topic of names came up. It was important to the boy (and to me) that our family share a common last name. We agreed at that time that we would choose a third name that we would both take. Well, I've posted before about my newfound traditionalism upon becoming pregnant, so this next part may not be a surprise. The thing is, I still like the idea of choosing a third name. We tried, we really did. We looked at lists of common surnames, tried to think of words that meant something to us that we could use . . . we just couldn't come up with anything. It didn't make any sense to change to a name that didn't mean anything to either of us; to drop the history of our own names in favor of one that has none. So, I decided to take the sweetie's name. Since I'm volunteering the genetic material for our child, I figured the sweetie could provide the surname. Not to mention that all you have to do is take a look at us and apply the traditional gender stereotypes to come up with that one. Everyone already assumed I would take the boy's name.

Over the last couple days, I've started the process of the name change. I've been working on changing e-mail, voicemail, and my paycheck while I wait for the marriage license and court order that will allow me to change my driver's license and social security card (thanks so very much to DOMA, I will still need to get an order from the probate court to fully change my name). The whole thing is very strange. My new name sounds foreign to me and when I've needed to say my full name the last couple days, I've hesitated. Ha! I wonder how long this will last? I am esctatic about my choices; all this new traditionalism has been my idea. Still, all I need to do is quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom in order for my "nightmare" to be complete. Funny thing love, isn't it?

Random Thoughts

Because I can't be troubled to create paragraphs today:

• We protested prop 8 in NYC on Saturday. Neither of us took any pictures, but you can find some here, here, and here.

• I bought my first pair of maternity pants. Because its so early, I felt weird about it for a second. That's all over now that I have these babies on. So. Comfortable.

• I have all of the pieces of Apricot Jacket completed and I started seaming them up last night. It should be done just in time for me to be too big to wear it. *sigh*

• I have started knitting a blanket for jelly bean, but it is very slow going. It may make a nice 1st birthday present. :)

• I am no longer vegan. This decision was made after a lot of research (including discussions with both a nutritionist and midwife) and some soul searching. I think it may be possible for some women to have healthy pregnancies while on a vegan diet, but I've determined its not possible for me. Try as I may, I cannot get the recommended amount of protein without eating huge amounts of soy and, while the jury may still be out on the possible dangers of soy, its not a risk I'm willing to take with the little bean. I originally became vegan because of moral issues with factory farming and I still have concerns about hormones in dairy products, so this was not a decision I made lightly. For me though, the best thing is to go back to eating cheese, eggs, and yogurt (I'm still vegetarian, not taking things too far!).

Post-Election, Pre-Marriage

Today's election results are bittersweet to me.

Sweet because I am so excited for our child to grow up in a world where a black man is president of the United States. I want him or her to take that fact for granted, not in the sense that our history of slavery and segregation and racism is ignored, but in the sense that its just a fact of life. Like how women and black people used to not be allowed to vote and the idea seems so ridiculous now. I hope our child grows up feeling that all the ugliness and hate of racism is ridiculous and foreign. I'm certainly excited and hopeful about how Obama will perform as a president, but I am also thrilled at what his election means for the future of our country.

Today is also bitter because AZ and FL have passed constitutional amendments banning gay marriage and its looking like we've lost in CA as well. Its amazing to me that yesterday probably 80% of the people who voted to ban gay marriage will never be affected by it in any way. How can people choose to deny that right to two people who are in love and want to make a lifelong commitment to each other? In my opinion, its not legalizing gay marriage that will destroy the institution of marriage, its prohibiting it. How can straight marriage continue to have any integrity when its inherently discriminatory? And what does my marriage (or lack thereof) have to do with anyone else's?

These are the questions I'm struggling with today.

I'm not talking about a little crush . . .

Today is Love Your Body Day.

That's love with a capital L. That's taking a critical look at all of the images thrown at us a thousand times a day about what a woman should and shouldn't look like and realizing that they're all wrong. That's examining all of the messages from the beauty industry, the TV industry, the media, the fashion magazines, even our own families that tell us something is wrong with the way we look and choosing to love ourselves anyway. That's understanding that women are being set up every day; recognizing that this is a game we can never win. Even the super models and movie stars that we're told we should emulate can't measure up.

Today, let's all be a little kinder to ourselves. Let's try looking in the mirror and complimenting ourselves. Let's NOT (for the love of all that is good in this world) ask "do these pants make me look fat?" Let's celebrate all the beautiful, amazing things about our bodies. Big thighs are good for running! Big arms help you lift things! Womanly curves are hot. hot. hot.

I've struggled with negative body image for as long as I can remember. For the longest time, I thought, "if I could just lose a little weight, I'd be happy." What I learned was that no matter what size you wear, if you're looking for something to hate, you'll find it. It honestly makes me so angry to think about how much of my precious time on this planet has been wasted wishing I looked different. What was the point? This is it. This is my body and its the only one I'm getting. Why bother being mad at it?

Love your body.

At the very least, take it out for a nice dinner and try to develop a crush.