Wedding Recap

Yay! I finally have proofs back from the photographer and I apologize in advance for posting so many. He did such an amazing job--I can't decide which ones are my favorites.

So, the weekend started on Thursday night when I picked my parents up from the airport. We got home late and just hung out for a little while before heading off to bed.

Friday morning, I dropped the boy off at the train (poor thing had to work) and worked on a little bit of wedding stuff until my Mom woke up. We hung out for a while and then Mom, Stepdad and I went out to run some errands (including picking up the chocolates that would be our favors). Later in the day, we were off to my (now) mother-in-law's house. On the way, I called the sweetie and we talked about everything that we had done to prepare. Up until that point, I was feeling really good about everything, but at one point in the conversation, I said, "Well, I think we're ready" and then the nerves set in. I guess since I no longer had any details to obsess over, I could start obsessing over being nervous.

We met up with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law and all got our nails done for the next day. (Well, all except for Stepdad, who found a place to have a beer while we were at the salon.) This was the first time our families were meeting and we were all a little nervous about how things would go, but everyone got along incredibly well. After the nail appointment, we picked up some pizza, the boy arrived from work and we all had dinner. After dinner, some family friends stopped by. It was nice to hang out with everyone and I'm glad my parents got the chance to meet so many people before the wedding.

Everyone was getting along so well that the boy and I were able to sneak off and the boy gave me a beautiful music box that plays Pachelbel Canon (which was playing as I walked into the ceremony) and a necklace to wear with my dress. I had purchased a necklace, but the night before I'd decided it was too big to wear and was going to forgo a necklace altogether. The sweetie rushed out during work on Friday to pick something up for me--I'm such a lucky girl! The sweetie's mother also gave me a handkerchief that her mother had made. She gave it to me and told me to use it for the wedding, then pass it down to our little girl. It was so touching and meant so much to me that she would consider giving me something like that.

My Mom, Stepdad, and I headed home where I was supposed to go right to bed, but Mom and I stayed up late chatting. Before I knew it, it was 11 o'clock and the sweetie was calling to order me to bed!

Of course, I couldn't sleep in Saturday morning. I was up at 5 and tried to convince myself to go back to sleep until 7:30, when Mom came it to tell me to get up. (I later learned that the sweetie had done the same thing--so cute!) We loaded up the car and headed to the town where the wedding was held. I kept playing through the day in my head trying to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. Saturday morning I went over it with my Mom, tellling her everything that was going to happen and everything that we'd need. I kept thinking that we had everything covered and even my Mom was impressed that I was so organized (oh, we later learned how wrong we were!).

Mom, stepdad and I had a nice, relaxed breakfast and then went to check in to the hotel where the sweetie and I would be staying. We left stepdad there to watch TV and get dressed while we were off to the salon. I thought we might be pressed for time later in the day, so I made sure we arrived a little early in case they could take us early. They were able to start on our hair immediately when we walked in and I was so happy with how my hair came out! The stylist did exactly as I wanted (which is usually not how things work out for me) and everyone kept telling me how nice it looked. I had a makeup appointment immediately after my hair and here's where my plan to be early hit a snag. We were done with my hair early, but the makeup artist was late. Mom and I went to the cafe next door for something to drink while we waited (me in sweatpants and a tiara!) until finally, the makeup artist arrived and I got my makeup done and we were on our way.

We rushed back to the hotel and the photographer had already called to say he was heading over to the room. I sort of wish we had taken our time more, but we were both panicked and rushed to get dressed. Mom helped me throw all my many layers of undergarments on and then literally threw the dress on over my head. At some point during all of this, the flowers arrived, although I hadn't seen them and the photographer had started snapping pictures.


I had reminded myself many times to put my shoes on before the dress, since I couldn't reach my feet with it on, but of course I forgot. My Mom very graciously agreed to get on the floor and put my shoes on for me.

The boy was going to meet us at the hotel for a couple pictures before we all headed over to the the restaurant, but we had rushed so much that we were ready early. After all that excitement, we just sat around and waited (and laughed a lot about me trying to sit in a chair with my huge dress on!).


Finally, the boy arrived and waited in the hotel lobby for me to come in. We took some pictures of us seeing each other for the first time and me pinning the boutonniere on. The boy looked so handsome and I felt like such a lucky girl! (Still do, in fact.)



We then did what was maybe not the brightest thing. We went over to city hall in the town where we were married to take some pictures in the gazebo. I think it might have been about 20 degrees, but the sun was out and it looked so pretty! We ran to the gazebo, stood there for a few seconds and then ran back to the car. We were both shivering so much, I'm not sure how we managed to smile for pictures, but they turned out so good.


Then on to the restaurant, where we double checked the room where the ceremony would be held, then headed upstairs to the reception room. When I first walked in the room, I was so impressed with how beautiful our centerpieces had turned out! They were exactly what I had pictured and looked even better than I had hoped in the room.


We had a bunch of extra candles to go on the tables, but quickly decided that we already had too much stuff and removed those. We put some candles around where the cake would go, set out the favors, table numbers and seating cards and were done. I was so worried about time, but we kept getting everything done ahead of schedule! The boy headed downstairs to start greeting our guests and I waited for the cake to arrive, so I could make sure it was placed in the right spot. The cake came and it, too, was more beautiful than I had hoped. I was so pleased with how everything came together.


Then it was just time to wait. My Mom, stepdad, and the photographer waited with me at the top of the staircase until everyone had arrived and we were ready to go. When the officiant arrived, he came up to introduce himself. We talked for a minute and then he asked me for the marriage license. Oh right. I guess we were supposed to bring that with us, huh? Funny, it didn't make it on any of my lists and as many times as I'd gone over everything, NO ONE picked up on the fact that we were overlooking it. I was afraid he'd say that we couldn't get married or that the marriage date would need to be different on the license, but he said it happens all the time and just to bring it to him Monday. Whew!

Finally, someone came to tell me everyone was ready and then I started shaking. I was so nervous! I came down the staircase with my Mom and stepdad following me and the photographer snapping pictures. At the bottom, Mom handed me my flowers and I walked in. I was seeing everyone for the first time, so I kept smiling and looking around, trying to say hello to everyone. The boy was nowhere in sight, but I just headed toward the officiant and finally I saw the sweetie behind some people off to the side. We held hands and the ceremony started. I started to get emotional right away and had a hard time saying "I do." When the boy started with the vows, I couldn't hold it in and started crying. I wanted to look into the boy's eyes while we exchanged vows, but I knew that the tears were contagious, so I tried to look away for part of it. It was no good. We were both a mess and with no tissues! (Mother-in-law's handkerchief was safely pinned to the inside of my dress for luck). It was such a touching moment, but a little embarrassing in front of all those people--yikes!

We exchanged rings,


kissed,


and were done and heading upstairs for the reception. We mingled with our guests a little bit and then took parents and siblings out to a separate room for formal pictures.



Back to the room for dinner and more chatting, then we cut the cake (which was sooo good!)

and snuck away again for a few more pictures


and before we knew it, everyone was heading home.

We cleaned up, sent my parents back off to our apartment and headed back to the hotel. The next morning, we met our parents for brunch at the hotel, which was so nice. I'm really glad we decided to do that, so the parents could spend a little more time together and we could go over all the events of the previous night.

It was such a great day and I only wish it hadn't gone by so quickly. I spent the entire day with a smile on my face and am so happy we are able to be married. Hard as it is to get used to, I'm so glad to be Mrs. Sweetie!

Weddings, Meetings, and Names

It turns out that our photographer has been spending the last couple days in bed getting over being sick, rather than working on our pictures. I can't say I blame him, but that just means that we'll all have to wait a bit longer for photographic evidence that the sweetie and I really went through with it.

In the meantime, I thought I'd let you know (in case you don't read the blog) that the sweetie has posted the story of how we met in three installments starting here. Now you too can be privy to the story, in all its scandalous details! I love the story of how we met because, although I didn't recognize it at the time, that moment was the single most life-altering event in my 30-odd years.

I used to think that the whole "there's only one person for each of us" theory was crap. I thought that people were just hard to get along with, period, and any relationship would take a ton of work. As long as there is some basic compatibility, I thought all relationships were pretty much the same. I was so very wrong. When I met the sweetie, I was so desperately unhappy and I could see no way out. The sweetie recognized, even when I couldn't, that I could be happy, that I didn't deserve to be miserable like I was. As silly and cliche as it sounds, I had no idea a relationship could be like this. I never imagined how it could feel to be able to depend on someone else and know that they can depend on me. To be in a relationship that's mutually supportive and understanding. I think every. single. day how fortunate I am that the sweetie came into my life (and was smart enough to recognize how good we'd be together).

Which brings me to the topic of names (well, it really doesn't, but I couldn't think of a good segue). For the majority of my life, I thought I would never get married. Back when I thought the only option was marrying a man, I could think of nothing worse that getting married, having a few kids, and spending the rest of my life taking care of all these people while trying to earn a living at the same time. I certainly would never change my name to a man's name and lose that symbolic identity along with the literal one. Once I started dating women, a lot of my opinions changed, but I still didn't think I would ever change my name.

When the sweetie and I started discussing the possibility of having children, the topic of names came up. It was important to the boy (and to me) that our family share a common last name. We agreed at that time that we would choose a third name that we would both take. Well, I've posted before about my newfound traditionalism upon becoming pregnant, so this next part may not be a surprise. The thing is, I still like the idea of choosing a third name. We tried, we really did. We looked at lists of common surnames, tried to think of words that meant something to us that we could use . . . we just couldn't come up with anything. It didn't make any sense to change to a name that didn't mean anything to either of us; to drop the history of our own names in favor of one that has none. So, I decided to take the sweetie's name. Since I'm volunteering the genetic material for our child, I figured the sweetie could provide the surname. Not to mention that all you have to do is take a look at us and apply the traditional gender stereotypes to come up with that one. Everyone already assumed I would take the boy's name.

Over the last couple days, I've started the process of the name change. I've been working on changing e-mail, voicemail, and my paycheck while I wait for the marriage license and court order that will allow me to change my driver's license and social security card (thanks so very much to DOMA, I will still need to get an order from the probate court to fully change my name). The whole thing is very strange. My new name sounds foreign to me and when I've needed to say my full name the last couple days, I've hesitated. Ha! I wonder how long this will last? I am esctatic about my choices; all this new traditionalism has been my idea. Still, all I need to do is quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom in order for my "nightmare" to be complete. Funny thing love, isn't it?

An exercise in patience

I had hoped to have the whole wedding day story posted by now, but I'm very patiently waiting for the photographer to finish up with the photos so I can properly illustrate my story. It shouldn't be long now . . .

2 Days (Yikes!)

Tonight, my parents arrive into town for the wedding and then all the fun begins! The next time I post here, I'll be Mrs. Sweetie. Thanks so much for all the love and support on this blog, its been really incredible. See you on the flip side!

4 Days

Four days until our wedding!! I had honestly hoped to have everything done at this point so we could just worry about getting ourselves dressed and to the church, er . . . restaurant, on time. But you know what they say about the best laid plans. Actually, I don't really know. Is there a second part to that saying?

Anyway, the point is this. Thank the goddess for three day weekends. I met with the restaurant owner Friday afternoon and learned about an unexpected "black tablecloth fee" along with a last minute "room to take pictures in fee," neither of which were in the budget. Honestly, we aren't talking about a huge amount of money, but it was the principle of the thing(s). Since we're hesitant to take pictures outside in 15 degree weather, he sorta had me on the room fee, but I told him to keep his stinking black tablecloths. I left and went directly to Target, where I purchased black canvas curtains on clearance and spent yesterday morning hemming them into table runners. They aren't exactly long enough to cover the entire length of the tables, but there's enough fabric to provide some contrast between the white tablecloths and the white centerpieces, so its good enough for me!

Yesterday, we also finished putting together the candles and candle holders that serve as the non-floral portion of the centerpieces (nice budget saving tip, that), wrote out place cards, made table numbers, finalized the ceremony wording, and picked up the boy's tux. I have to say, I'm one lucky girl--the boy looks so handsome in the tux!

Still on the to-do list: reconfirm arrival times with the officiant, photographer, florist and baker. I have to meet one last time with the florist to go over some final details and pay her (very important-to her, at least). I have to pick up my dress and hope, hope, hope that my growing belly will still fit in it. What else? Finish up our "dinner music" iPod playlist. Double check that all the appropriate things are in the different piles of stuff to take along. Pick up the favors. Pick up my parents from the airport. Pack a bag for the wedding night.

Could that be it? I think it might. Not too bad, right?

Of course, right now I'm focused on something else. In a few short hours, we'll have our "big" ultrasound. Cross everything crossable that bean looks healthy (I tried counting toes in our foot closeup picture, but couldn't make them all out.)

Edited because I almost forgot two very important things: Our wedding bands arrived yesterday and turned out perfectly (aside from drawing attention to the fact that my engagement ring is filthy--add get engagement ring cleaned and polished to the list). The second thing is the sweetie's wedding present, which arrived today. Whew!

Gettin' Hitched

Invitations have been mailed!

(Please excuse the craptastic scan of our invite--its actually very pretty in person)

Other things which are done for the wedding:
Wedding/reception site is booked
Photographer is booked
Dress and undergarments have been purchased
Cake baker is chosen--just need to do one more tasting and pay the deposit
Hair/makeup appointment is made for the day of the wedding


Things which still need to be done:
Purchase my shoes (must be done before dress fitting the first week of Jan)
Purchase headpiece/hair pins (also must be done before consultation the first week of Jan)
Rent a suit/tux for the sweetie
Hire a florist and decide on table centerpieces (we have a quote from a place that is available on our date, but horrendously expensive--need to look around more after the holidays when florists have time to breath again)
Find an officiant (again, one quote from someone who is horrendously expensive--hoping to find someone more affordable)
Grow the amaryllis bulbs that I would like to use for decoration at the site
Reserve a hotel room for the wedding night


Yikes, it really seems like less stuff left to do when its in my head. The "things which are done" list is frighteningly short!

Coming to Terms

I've always had a certain look--you know, blond hair, mild features, conservative dress and a tendency to be painfully shy. It really gives off a kind of sweet and naive air. As a coworker once said about me, "we thought kraftykay was a sweet and innocent farm girl until we got to know her." For a very long time, I HATED this about myself. I tried so hard to fight against it. I cut my hair short, wore the requisite Doc Martens and got piercings and tattoos.

None of it worked. Try as I might, I still ended up looking like an innocent straight girl, just one who was trying to dress up as a lesbian. (Why do innocent and straight seem to go together? Hhhmm.) It used to really irk me that people couldn't look at me and right away identify me as a queer girl (OK, it still sometimes does). But for the most part, I've embraced the innocent girl image and actually started to have fun with it--after all, I may look sweet and innocent, but that doesn't mean I actually am.

So, when the sweetie and originally moved up our babymaking plans, the fact that the baby would come before the wedding was fine with me. We agreed that we would just have the wedding when our child was a year old--we're already a non-traditional couple, why have the traditional wedding? Well, it was a completely different story a couple weeks after we found out I was pregnant. It came as a surprise to me that suddenly it was very important that we be married before the baby came. Apparently looks aren't deceiving, maybe I really am traditional and innocent (I don't think I'm all that sweet, though).

Oh, and I want to wear a white (non maternity) dress. So we needed to get a move on. The sweetie and I share a birthday which happens to fall in February (and there's already Valentine's day to contend with there), so January it is. We are attempting to pull together an honest to goodness wedding in about a month and a half, with the little matter of Christmas between now and then. It feels a little like a survivor challenge. Think we'll get voted off the island?

Perfect Timing

I'm usually not one to brag, but lately its felt like I'm living a charmed life. Almost two years ago, I met my sweetie. That one event has completely changed my life in every possible way. Being with the sweetie has opened a whole new world for me; one in which I am supported and loved and really seen for who I am (and supported and loved anyway). Every single day together is a precious gift; one that I would not trade for anything in the world.

Now, not even two weeks after the boy asked for my hand, our state has decided that it would actually be legal.

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-CT-ScoConn-Same-Sex-Marriage.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

I can't help but feel as though someone is on our side.

Engagement Weekend

The sweetie surprised me last weekend with a trip to Vermont. Unbeknownst to me, she had arranged for us to stay at the Inn at the New England Culinary Institute. In addition to the inn being a beautiful place to stay and the fact that staying at a culinary school is just plain cool, this is also the school that my favorite celebrity chef attended.

We arrived in Vermont late Friday night, so the sweetie had done some research and found a vegetarian restaurant for us to stop at along the drive. Thinks of everything, that one.

Early Saturday morning, we drove to Mt. Mansfield and took a gondola ride most of the way to the top. We then started out on a fairly challenging, very rocky hike up to the highest point in Vermont. I did drag my hiking boots all the way to Vermont but left them at the hotel, so we were hiking in tennis shoes which made the wet rocks all the more exciting to navigate. We didn't end up making it all the way to the top, but stopped at one point along the trail where Mr. Sweetie got down on one knee and proposed. Of course, I said yes! Our self-portrait immediately after the proposal.

All smiles and in love.

We picked the ring out together a few weeks ago, so the proposal wasn't a complete surprise but I was definitely not expecting it at that moment. I thought that it would come at some point during the weekend, but I was expecting it would be at dinner later that night. I actually thought we'd left the ring in the hotel room, so the sweetie was halfway through the proposal before I caught on and thought, "OMG, this is it!" It was so perfect!

The entire weekend was beautiful and while its just the beginning of the foliage season, I thought the trees couldn't be any more gorgeous. I prefer there to be a bit of green, rather than all reds and golds, and we had a lovely view from the top of the mountain after some of the morning fog burned off.

Later that night, the boy had arranged another surprise--we had a private dinner cooked for us by one of the chef instructors at the school. The sweetie had designed the menu in advance (all vegan, natch) and we got to watch the chef prepare the food and learn some neat tricks (maple syrup in coffee? In mushrooms??!). Here we are, getting ready to eat butternut squash risotto.

And raspberry sorbet for dessert, with a message on the plate:

And a final pic of my sexy fiance on the trecherous hike.