(I wrote this 3 days ago but never got around to publishing it. Spoiler alert-the peanut arrived yesterday!! Details to come.)
I'm just over a week overdue and still waiting. We've been stepping up our efforts to get this boy out-evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, long walks, castor oil packs, and acupressure. Yesterday I had my first membrane sweep-I was 70% effaced and 3 cm dilated which felt encouraging. I went to sleep last night expecting to be in labor by morning but nada. I looked back at my notes from the bean's pregnancy and realized that I was at about the same dilation, although almost a week further along, when I had my first membrane sweep with the bean and went into labor that night. I know it must be soon. The contractions I've been having have become more frequent and more intense over the last few days and I keep thinking it must be any minute now.
This evening I'll have an acupuncture treatment and, if I'm still pregnant by Friday, a second non-stress test along with another membrane sweep.
I'm trying so hard to enjoy these last few moments of being pregnant (ever!), but its so hard when there's all this pressure to get him out before the deadline.
I'm also feeling so guilty about not being able to pick up the bean, or to even bend over to help her get her shoes on or reach something off the floor. I keep promising her that once the baby comes, I'll be able to do these things again, but then I think oh after I heal and then after I recover from all that sleep deprivation of having a newborn and oh yeah, when the baby isn't sleeping in my arms or nursing. I know it will be an adjustment but we'll figure all this stuff out eventually. I'm just already feeling badly that I may break some of these promises.
And I just can't end on that negative note because, oh my goodness are we all excited to have a new little baby in the house. To squeeze that little peanut and kiss baby toes and fingers and watch him sleep and yawn-yay! The bean has already professed her love for this little guy and has so many plans for what she plans to teach him and what they'll play together and how much she can't wait to help change diapers. Also, the upside to being so overdue? We are so ready! We are working through the things on the to do list that I thought we wouldn't have time to finish. So yay for that! (And please come soon, peanut!)
Showing posts with label pregnancy (again). Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy (again). Show all posts
Peanut is . . .
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Monday, June 11, 2012
}
a Boy!!!!
And, of course, more importantly he is growing and developing just as he should be. He is measuring a week and a half ahead, but we aren't concerned (his sister took about six months to drop down onto the growth chart--apparently, I grow them big).
Its so hard not to compare things to my last pregnancy and so I keep counting months and remembering that at this stage last time, the boy and I were getting married, renovating a house, and moving. Don't get me wrong, I have many projects planned for this summer, but I am moving so much more slowly this time around! Of course, part of it is that nothing gets done quickly with a toddler around, but I'm also finding myself stopping to rest at a frequency I only remember from the last month of my first pregnancy.
Also? Its HOT. We are just a couple weeks away from the bean's birthday, which means I was walking around in a tent dress with the air conditioning on full blast, taking naps on the couch, and complaining loudly this time three years ago. Its hard to imagine making it through two and half more months of summer as I keep getting bigger and bigger, but I have little choice in the matter.
I am carrying baby boy very, very low (because everything is stretched out?) which is interesting. I feel many more kicks and movements now than I did with his sister, but they are all so very low. His position seems to be contributing to the pain I'm feeling in my back and legs and also making it difficult to bend or reach forward. All stuff I associate with later in pregnancy, so its odd to be experiencing it now in the middle of the second trimester.
Its also strange to me that there aren't a lot of preparations for us to make this time around. I keep wanting to make lists of baby essentials, but we already have most everything I could list, since we purchased things for the bean with the idea of reusing them for a sibling. We won't be taking any childbirth classes or hospital tours this time around, so I just have some fun knitting and sewing projects to tackle along with so much organizing around the house. And maternity clothes. I've been sewing a lot of my maternity clothes since finding cute clothes to buy is so difficult. Stay tuned for pictures of those soon!
And, of course, more importantly he is growing and developing just as he should be. He is measuring a week and a half ahead, but we aren't concerned (his sister took about six months to drop down onto the growth chart--apparently, I grow them big).
Its so hard not to compare things to my last pregnancy and so I keep counting months and remembering that at this stage last time, the boy and I were getting married, renovating a house, and moving. Don't get me wrong, I have many projects planned for this summer, but I am moving so much more slowly this time around! Of course, part of it is that nothing gets done quickly with a toddler around, but I'm also finding myself stopping to rest at a frequency I only remember from the last month of my first pregnancy.
Also? Its HOT. We are just a couple weeks away from the bean's birthday, which means I was walking around in a tent dress with the air conditioning on full blast, taking naps on the couch, and complaining loudly this time three years ago. Its hard to imagine making it through two and half more months of summer as I keep getting bigger and bigger, but I have little choice in the matter.
I am carrying baby boy very, very low (because everything is stretched out?) which is interesting. I feel many more kicks and movements now than I did with his sister, but they are all so very low. His position seems to be contributing to the pain I'm feeling in my back and legs and also making it difficult to bend or reach forward. All stuff I associate with later in pregnancy, so its odd to be experiencing it now in the middle of the second trimester.
Its also strange to me that there aren't a lot of preparations for us to make this time around. I keep wanting to make lists of baby essentials, but we already have most everything I could list, since we purchased things for the bean with the idea of reusing them for a sibling. We won't be taking any childbirth classes or hospital tours this time around, so I just have some fun knitting and sewing projects to tackle along with so much organizing around the house. And maternity clothes. I've been sewing a lot of my maternity clothes since finding cute clothes to buy is so difficult. Stay tuned for pictures of those soon!
19 Weeks
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Friday, May 25, 2012
}
Now that I'm solidly in my second trimester, things are finally starting to feel real. My biggest fear with having a second child was not how hard it would be to take care of two kids, but taking care of just one while experiencing the same morning sickness I had when I was pregnant with the bean. I was terrified of it, but mercifully it was not as bad. I definitely did feel sick and worn out, but I was able to work through it and the bean and I made it through. I kept obsessively checking my journal from when I was pregnant with the bean to see when the morning sickness got better. It was 16 weeks with the bean and a little bit earlier this time-probably 14 weeks. Thank goodness we are through that part and I'm feeling better and getting my energy back. There were a rough couple weeks in there were we were in pure survival mode, I imagine we'll be familiar with that mode again in a few short months!
Now I'm in that middle part of pregnancy where you sometimes forget that you're pregnant until you catch yourself in the mirror. Well, also this time around I've been accidentally overdoing it and being reminded that I'm pregnant by my body which has insisted I take it easy. When I was pregnant with the bean, I was working on my feet all day so I worried that I wouldn't be getting as much exercise this time. Of course, I completely underestimated how physical taking care of a toddler is.
Now that I'm able to feel this peanut moving around, it's starting to become more real. Honestly, it's been pretty difficult to imagine having a second child who is different from our first. I know that sounds strange, but I guess the only experience I have to base having a child on is the bean, so that's what I think of when I think of having another baby. I have to keep reminding myself that this child will have his or her own personality and likes and dislikes. It's amazing, but pretty hard to picture at this point.
Because there were some concerns during my pregnancy with the bean, we had several ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy and were able to find out that she was a she at 16 weeks. This time, things look fine and we hopefully won't need those ultrasounds, so it's been a long time since we had a peek at this peanut. In just a couple days, we'll have our level II ultrasounds and get to check this little one out and check that everything looks OK. (We'll also find out the gender).
We've been taking belly pictures every week or so and I've been comparing them to the pictures from when I was pregnant with the bean. I know my belly is supposed to pop out sooner, but everything looks pretty similar up to this point. I've been waiting to post pictures here until there was something to show you!
Now I'm in that middle part of pregnancy where you sometimes forget that you're pregnant until you catch yourself in the mirror. Well, also this time around I've been accidentally overdoing it and being reminded that I'm pregnant by my body which has insisted I take it easy. When I was pregnant with the bean, I was working on my feet all day so I worried that I wouldn't be getting as much exercise this time. Of course, I completely underestimated how physical taking care of a toddler is.
Now that I'm able to feel this peanut moving around, it's starting to become more real. Honestly, it's been pretty difficult to imagine having a second child who is different from our first. I know that sounds strange, but I guess the only experience I have to base having a child on is the bean, so that's what I think of when I think of having another baby. I have to keep reminding myself that this child will have his or her own personality and likes and dislikes. It's amazing, but pretty hard to picture at this point.
Because there were some concerns during my pregnancy with the bean, we had several ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy and were able to find out that she was a she at 16 weeks. This time, things look fine and we hopefully won't need those ultrasounds, so it's been a long time since we had a peek at this peanut. In just a couple days, we'll have our level II ultrasounds and get to check this little one out and check that everything looks OK. (We'll also find out the gender).
We've been taking belly pictures every week or so and I've been comparing them to the pictures from when I was pregnant with the bean. I know my belly is supposed to pop out sooner, but everything looks pretty similar up to this point. I've been waiting to post pictures here until there was something to show you!
Here I am this time around at 6 weeks
And 18 weeks
And this is 19 weeks with the bean, pretty similar, right?
Oh baby
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Monday, April 30, 2012
}
I have been away from this space for such a long time. Its not that I haven't had much to say--I have so many things I've wanted to talk to you about, but what's been on my mind has been too painful to get out and that's babies. Specifically one more baby. For us.
It has never been our intention for the bean to be an only child. Well, OK, there was that period of time immediately after the bean's birth when I turned to the boy and said that I was never going to do that again! But that faded. After a few months I started to think that maybe I could go through it all again. We had hoped for two children, two years apart, so we started trying again when the bean was 18 months old. Even then, I'm not sure either of us were quite ready, but we knew we'd have 9 months to get used to the idea.
I got pregnant easily with the bean and I think we were both hoping that would be the case the second time. We were very superstitious about doing things the way we had with the bean--we inseminated at home, with no assistance from our doctor. This was the way we wanted it--just the two of us doing this thing together (and occasionally the bean waking up at inopportune moments). We soon learned that was not to be. I didn't get pregnant. Over and over again, it didn't work. I was still nursing the bean, so we started the long process of weaning. I still didn't get pregnant.
Our supply of samples from our donor started dwindling and we asked for help. I tried to hold on to my idea of getting pregnant on an unmedicated cycle, but we soon decided that we would throw all the medical interventions we could at this problem. Triggered ovulation, timed inseminations, Clomid. Nothing. We were down to our last try before we would have to make the impossible decision of whether we would spend all our savings on an IVF cycle with no guarantee of a baby or spend all our savings on an adoption with no guarantee of a baby, or just give up. In my mind, I had already given up. Even before the bean was born, I spoke to myself and to the boy about our children. They. There had always been two. I started talking myself into the idea of the bean being an only child and looking for the positives in that.
Our last cycle, we decided to try injectable drugs, which significantly increase the risk of multiples. We love multiples and if we had them, we would love the heck out of them, but we are also aware of the increased risks associated with a multiple birth. (Including the risk of losing your mind trying to take care of more than one newborn!) I had resisted injectables for that reason, but here we were, at the end of the road. So there I was, dutifully injecting my belly, sometimes multiple times a day, until I could no longer find a spot to inject in that wasn't bruised. I went to the doctor every couple days and had more blood drawn than I can keep track of. All the while, I had no hope.
I don't think I ever mentioned this here, but when it became clear that the bean wasn't interested in weaning at 18 month, I decided I would nurse through pregnancy. I had gotten comfortable with this idea to the point of being disappointed when I ended up weaning. I always felt that I would regret weaning before the bean was ready, especially if it ended up that I couldn't get pregnant again. I felt this regret so deeply, and believed so fully that I wouldn't get pregnant, that I decided to start nursing again even before we found out the results of our injectables cycle. I was actually shocked that we were able to get back to nursing after having been weaned for several months, but I was also very pleased.
Now, forgive me, but I have to tell this part of the story in even more excrutiating detail because I love it so much. I woke up 11 days after insemination and took a pregnancy test, which was negative. This was our 7th attempt in over a year and even more than the others, this negative devastated me. Fate has spoken, only one child for you. (Which is a huge blessing! We are so lucky to have even one! But we really wanted two.) I was taking medication that should be stopped if I wasn't pregnant, but continued if I was. I waited a couple days, until the day my period was due and took another test, fully expecting it to be negative, but I needed to confirm before I stopped the medication.
The boy and I were both in the bathroom getting ready and I set the test down on the counter while it developed. The boy glanced over at it and said, "Hey, what's that?" For some reason, I thought it was a joke and I was upset. How can you joke about this when my feelings are still so raw? I picked up the test and squinted at it and saw a shadow. A little faint ray of hope that darkened before my eyes into a reality that we had hoped for for so long.
Because I had started the process of convincing myself this would never happen, I've spent the last several months trying to convince myself that it is happening. Test after test, ultrasound after ultrasound. Are you really in there peanut?
And, oh the irony, that I weaned our bean in order to get pregnant but didn't get pregnant until after I relactated and started nursing again!
It has never been our intention for the bean to be an only child. Well, OK, there was that period of time immediately after the bean's birth when I turned to the boy and said that I was never going to do that again! But that faded. After a few months I started to think that maybe I could go through it all again. We had hoped for two children, two years apart, so we started trying again when the bean was 18 months old. Even then, I'm not sure either of us were quite ready, but we knew we'd have 9 months to get used to the idea.
I got pregnant easily with the bean and I think we were both hoping that would be the case the second time. We were very superstitious about doing things the way we had with the bean--we inseminated at home, with no assistance from our doctor. This was the way we wanted it--just the two of us doing this thing together (and occasionally the bean waking up at inopportune moments). We soon learned that was not to be. I didn't get pregnant. Over and over again, it didn't work. I was still nursing the bean, so we started the long process of weaning. I still didn't get pregnant.
Our supply of samples from our donor started dwindling and we asked for help. I tried to hold on to my idea of getting pregnant on an unmedicated cycle, but we soon decided that we would throw all the medical interventions we could at this problem. Triggered ovulation, timed inseminations, Clomid. Nothing. We were down to our last try before we would have to make the impossible decision of whether we would spend all our savings on an IVF cycle with no guarantee of a baby or spend all our savings on an adoption with no guarantee of a baby, or just give up. In my mind, I had already given up. Even before the bean was born, I spoke to myself and to the boy about our children. They. There had always been two. I started talking myself into the idea of the bean being an only child and looking for the positives in that.
Our last cycle, we decided to try injectable drugs, which significantly increase the risk of multiples. We love multiples and if we had them, we would love the heck out of them, but we are also aware of the increased risks associated with a multiple birth. (Including the risk of losing your mind trying to take care of more than one newborn!) I had resisted injectables for that reason, but here we were, at the end of the road. So there I was, dutifully injecting my belly, sometimes multiple times a day, until I could no longer find a spot to inject in that wasn't bruised. I went to the doctor every couple days and had more blood drawn than I can keep track of. All the while, I had no hope.
I don't think I ever mentioned this here, but when it became clear that the bean wasn't interested in weaning at 18 month, I decided I would nurse through pregnancy. I had gotten comfortable with this idea to the point of being disappointed when I ended up weaning. I always felt that I would regret weaning before the bean was ready, especially if it ended up that I couldn't get pregnant again. I felt this regret so deeply, and believed so fully that I wouldn't get pregnant, that I decided to start nursing again even before we found out the results of our injectables cycle. I was actually shocked that we were able to get back to nursing after having been weaned for several months, but I was also very pleased.
Now, forgive me, but I have to tell this part of the story in even more excrutiating detail because I love it so much. I woke up 11 days after insemination and took a pregnancy test, which was negative. This was our 7th attempt in over a year and even more than the others, this negative devastated me. Fate has spoken, only one child for you. (Which is a huge blessing! We are so lucky to have even one! But we really wanted two.) I was taking medication that should be stopped if I wasn't pregnant, but continued if I was. I waited a couple days, until the day my period was due and took another test, fully expecting it to be negative, but I needed to confirm before I stopped the medication.
The boy and I were both in the bathroom getting ready and I set the test down on the counter while it developed. The boy glanced over at it and said, "Hey, what's that?" For some reason, I thought it was a joke and I was upset. How can you joke about this when my feelings are still so raw? I picked up the test and squinted at it and saw a shadow. A little faint ray of hope that darkened before my eyes into a reality that we had hoped for for so long.
Because I had started the process of convincing myself this would never happen, I've spent the last several months trying to convince myself that it is happening. Test after test, ultrasound after ultrasound. Are you really in there peanut?
And, oh the irony, that I weaned our bean in order to get pregnant but didn't get pregnant until after I relactated and started nursing again!
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