Long time coming

{ Wednesday, August 12, 2009 }
I've started writing this post several different times over the last couple weeks. First it was about my 6 week checkup (this pain in my tailbone ranges from excrutiating to intense but tolerable, otherwise I'm healing nicely), but that's been 2 weeks ago now. I wanted to write about how the bean screams when we put her in her carseat but, with the encouragement of our midwife, we've been taking her on frequent, short trips and she seems to be getting better about riding in the car. I wanted to write about my frustrations with breastfeeding, but the whole story seems too long to type out with one hand, which is the only way I'm able to use the computer these days. Simply put, I have oversupply, overactive letdown, and hindmilk/foremilk imbalance. The bean has adjusted her latch to accommodate all this milk shooting down her throat, which is making it hard for her to eat now that I've tried to lower my supply. I would have never guessed that breastfeeding would be the hardest part of all of this, but it really is.

We're still struggling with naps (she doesn't really take them), so I'm barely keeping my head above water when it comes to running the house while the boy is at work. We've been doing our best to trade off between bean care and housework when we're both home and I'm trying to come to terms with not having a clean house or home-cooked meal every night, but that's hard too.

The bean is beautiful and so much fun--she smiles and laughs and "talks" to us. She's a generally happy baby and rarely cries for no reason and we are so truly blessed. But right now this job is really, really hard.


Strawberry said...

I totally hear you. It is NOT easy. But things constantly seem to change and over time, they get better. But I wouldn't want to repeat those early weeks for anything. We dealt with some of those same problems (especially oversupply issues), but eventually most of that stuff got a lot better (3 months was really a turning point). Hang in there.

nutella said...

As Strawberry said, it got better. You have to learn to let go of the less important things. Baby care is important, self care is important, couple care is important. Pretty much everything else is negotiable. If you don't manage to cook dinner but you still eat, you're doing ok. If you still have clothes to wear, no one really cares if they have a little spit up on them. Your floor will forgive you for not getting vacuumed. You are doing great,

Anonymous said...

I wish there was something helpful I could add but I haven't been down that road and wouldn't even try to imagine how difficult it is. I'm here to offer encouragement and support and to thank you for the update, I always appreciate those. All my best.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear things aren't easy right now, but I hear they do get better. I hope you're able to work out the nursing kinks soon and that life with your little one becomes a little smoother. xo

Val said...

Just remember... the only important things pertain to the bean and you & the boy. Everyone eating, clean clothes and dry? Well then, you're doing great!

Clean house and big meals... SO not important at this time.

It will calm down. Give yourself a break. You have a little cutie who is quite literally suckying the life out of you, but also giving you things like images and feelings that you won't ever get or feel again. Enjoy them and just chill. It'll all be ok.
Glad to see you blogged! :)